Giving rage to the fire

How a dmt engagement allowed one Nova producer and survivor to graduate rage.

<A word from Osher: This post will be in the unedited words of Elsar (name modified for privacy).If getting better through altered states is of interest to you, you are welcome to read other posts and join our community chat>

Trigger warning: Elsar’s background story includes mention of violence.

Elsar’s Background/ About me

I am one of the producers of Nova. On October 7th, I encountered terrorists several times. They shot at me and my partner at close range, and I saw friends murdered in front of me, some even receiving RPGs into their cars. Over 40 of my personal friends and employees were murdered that day. 378 people died and 44 were kidnapped, from the festival alone. It was a long and horrendous day whose horrors are too dark for words.

On October 8th, I returned to the party area and Route 232 with my partner to find friends, with the help of a rescue team. I saw unimaginable horrors and helped identify the bodies of my friends and find their remains.

Since the attack, I’ve been living with deep trauma that accompanies me every day. I’ve experienced severe rage attacks, lack of sleep, deep sadness, flashbacks, and a disconnection from myself and my emotions. I felt like I was constantly on the verge of boiling over, disconnected, and just pushing forward, always distracting myself by doing things.

Me and the Fire / My DMT Experience

It all began with a precise encounter the universe sent my way.

I was giving a tour at the Re’im parking lot, where the festival has taken place, and sharing my testimony. Toward the end, when I spoke about the Nova Heaven project at Burning Man, a woman approached me. I’ll call her Rachel, because that is her name. She reminded me we had a Zoom call before the Burn, where she wanted to see how she could support and get involved. After the testimony, we talked about the project, and seeing my state she told me about Fire medicine and connected me to Osher.

I didn’t fully understand what it was all about, but I immediately felt that a door had opened for me. A door I was both afraid of and deeply wanted to walk through.

The alignment continued. Osher, by chance, arrived in Israel just a few days later. We arranged to meet on Sunday, March 30, 2025.

I was going through a very difficult time — I was dealing with episodes of debilitating rage and frustration that were causing me physical and emotional pain. I was constantly pushing myself, overwhelmed with projects, not giving myself a moment. Not touching the pain.

That Sunday, I met Osher for the first time. She explained the Fire and the ceremony, and asked me to choose what I wanted to give to the Fire. I sat down, breathed deeply, with fear and hesitation.

I opened my heart — mostly to myself — something that has very rarely happened since Nova.

I chose to give the Fire my anger, the rage in my body, and the frustration from everything happening in the world.

Fire ceremony

Enter: ceremony. Inside it, I traveled through tunnels of challenges and relationships — between me and myself, and between me and others.

In each tunnel, I released something.

In each tunnel, my consciousness pushed me even deeper, toward a hidden, more difficult release that created even more space.

A journey of years condensed into a few minutes.

Toward the end, I released something enormous.

A release so deep that I felt a fresh, vast space open up inside me.

A space that allows me to fill it with whatever I choose.

Slowly, sensation returned to my body.

And when it came back, it returned with wholeness.

With calm.

With a true sense of control — one that comes from a sincere and complete place within myself.

Life ever after

Immediately after my fire ceremony, my rage has significantly dropped and had since vanished.

I no longer experience the same blind outbursts. I’m aware when they start to rise, and I feel more free in how I choose to respond.

For the first time since October 7th I was able to revisit with my partner the long path we have gone through on that traumatic day and bring closure to my experience.

The Fire also gave me other gifts. I have mental clarity.

I am able to notice my internal processes — sometimes even observing them from the outside.

A capacity that was a part of me before Nova and had disappeared, is returning.

Patience has also returned to me. Patience that now influences my decisions and choices.

With it, I’ve made several important and blessed decisions in my life — from a more mature and whole place.

I used to be debilitated by rage. Rage is no longer a part of me.

3 months later, I’m in a monastery in Thailand, doing a month-long course in Qi Gong and Kung Fu.

This brief yet potent Fire ceremony and Osher have played an enormous part in bringing me to where I’m at.