Life update: A birthday story
I plan to build a home in the Catskills mountains, and- god/universe willing- have a child here. What?! Exactly.
This post will not be emailed. If you were shared the link to it, it is because I wish to share this life update with you.
I’ll start from the end: I will not rent a place on shelter island. Instead, I plan to build a home in the Catskills mountains, and- god/universe willing- have a child here. YEP. You can be done reading now. And- if interested; below is the deliberately long story of what brought me to this place.
JoyFest: a picture story.
Today 9/28 is my birthday. Exactly two years ago I came to these very mountains at the end of September to celebrate the joint birthday of myself and the medicines I cultivate. We called it JoyFest.
JoyFest was the stuff of dreams. Friends gathered from near and far. We had 123 acres of lush land all to ourselves with the nicest amenities. It was a celebration free of alcohol and other dissociatives such as ketamine and full of LIFE. See a picture story below.
We proceeded to dance to the sounds of VanJee till the wee hours of the morning.
Before morning we gathered back in the sanctuary for a live concert by my priestess sister Scarlett de la Torre. We closed that perfect weekend with a beautiful brunch and we all went our separate ways that Sunday on high notes.
I was leaving to Germany to serve one very special ceremony and was scheduled to come back to town by October 6th for a birthday and to speak at a psychedelics conference. Our intention was to add closed captions to the video we showcased at JoyFest and to launch House of 42 inaugural fundraising campaign on the weekend of October 7.
and then the music stopped.
Exactly one week after JoyFest October 7th happened. We never launched our planned fundraising campaign. Grieving and in shock, I felt something within me broke. Two years into a war that is tragically still ongoing, things have never let up and in fact got much worse in many ways. In these two years, I, like many other Jewish and Israeli people, have found mere existence to be increasingly challenging, let alone existing while carrying medicine. At first, our pain was denied or justified, then we found ourselves held accountable for pain done in our name by a government I like many others did not elect.
Move to Miami: Time without temple
A few months into the war I took a break from having a medicine temple, and decided to focus primarily on my process. I left my temple in Northern California and moved to Miami. Read here why Miami.
Thanks to a dear sister, my landing in Miami could not be any smoother. I moved into a waterfront apt on the quiet island of Key Biscayne only 22 minutes from Miami beach but worlds away. I was still holding private and group ceremonies albeit far less often and not in my home.
At the summer of 2024 I sat 6 weeks in a silent medicine dieta in order to bring resolve to this area of my heart. It helped. and. As the suffering continues so does my heartbreak. After some 18 months without a temple I was ready to be a custodian of a temple again and do my part to alleviate suffering and help bring about peace, without and within.
Calling in a temple
Ask and you shall receive alright. As soon as the readiness for temple materialized, a temple showed up. I was offered a beautiful architectural marvel on shelter island with a private dock waterfront and some 1800 acres of natural preserve as its back yard. This home was magical in more ways than I can name here. After discussing with my team, I said yes. The 42 community rejoiced: private ceremonies were about to resume. Yet I had two nagging concerns: 1- This place didn’t offer room for group gatherings which are so needed and 2- I am deeply committed to keeping this work accessible and I was worried the economics of this place would price some individuals out. I tucked my concerns aside and went with what felt like a YES.
In preparation for the upcoming move, I canceled a community event which was planned for today- the joint birthday of this avatar and the medicine. Instead, I said yes to coming to celebrate the jewish new year in the Catskills mountains, at the same retreat center where we celebrated JoyFest two years ago. Little did I know, this small shift in the timeline was a precursor to a much greater shift.
(A piece of deeply personal background)
I have deep connection to children and always thought I was going to be a mother. I have 34, soon 35 nephews and nieces- (no cousins, nephews and nieces- my siblings’ children) and a little cohort of god-children. I also work with children and consider it to be the most sacred aspect of my work. A couple of years ago I froze my eggs (an experience so surprisingly easeful I wish I got to it earlier). I didn't know if I will take on the adventure of motherhood without being in a committed relationship. Moving to shelter island certainly meant delaying this inquiry at best, and possibly releasing it altogether.
A wake up call
A week before my birthday and the day before the jewish new year I was contemplating this very inquiry, when I got a call from a soul brother of mine. Without any prompt from my side he launched into this very personal topic. “What happened to your prayer of becoming a mother??” He asked. But he didn’t just ask. He held mirror to how doubt took a hold of me and threw me of my center. He called me out to come back to my prayer. My intention heading into the new year was to do just that.
Let go and let god: THE update
2 years almost to the day after JoyFest, I came back at the very same land and retreat center where we celebrated it, only this time to celebrate the new year. In these two years I haven’t held a single group gathering in NY.
During that same time, the retreat center where we last gathered in a large group, has built a dome 60’ in diameter and some 35’ tall. Size matters.
As new year’s eve was unfolding I was struck by a number of differences from the home I was planned to move into but days later: Community, accessibility, children.
1. Community: On 123 acres of land and many structures on it, the retreat center I am in allowed for community gatherings, which I knew the 42 community needed. As a community we ought to commune.
2. Accessibility: I feel strongly committed to keeping this work financially accessible to those in need. Here- the multitude of accommodations tiers allowed the group work to remain accessible to those in need.
3. Children: My social circle in shelter island and the Hamptons either had no kids or their kids were older. Here young kids are a part of the community fabric.
On new year’s day I had an experience that was as real as me typing here now. I was outside new and old friends, overlooking the sprawling hills, a fall sun was gracing us, fireplace was going. Then: A voice from somewhere just behind me said: HERE. An inner feeling immediately followed: I am to build a home here. I am to welcome a child into the world here. I articulated my wish to move here to the custodians of this land and the path has been opened in the most welcoming of ways. I will live here while I build a home here. Our community will gather here. and- I will embark on a journey to bear a child here. in 2026, amen and inshallah.
The mothership has landed
In light of the update to the timeline I have extended my stay and today, 9/28, the joint birthday of myself and the medicine, I was in ceremony with my dear friend and custodian of this land. A herd of deers surrounded the 60’ dome for the entirety of the afternoon, in what felt like a welcoming committee. Here I can really up my game in Tikkun Olam, world repair. Join me if called.
Upcoming events and more:
Thanksgiving gratitude retreat: We will gather for a medicine-free gratitude retreat. The intention is to welcome families. We plan to keep price point at 3 figure a head to make it as accommodating as can be for families to attend.
New year’s eve retreat: Plan to welcome 2026 with us in the most grounded and intentional of ways.
also: Private ceremonies are to resume.
In 2026 we will launch House of 42’s first Space Holding course, for humans of all walks of life. Additional modules will be offered to medicine servers and 42 servers to be.
To receive updates on all that and more: Drop your email at www.Houseof42.org
(We hope to soon update that 2 year old video, which serves as a reminder to a part of us that was by the grace of trauma was suspended in time. One thing at a time.)