It takes a village, alright.
But how does one build one?
They told us it takes a village, alright. They forgot to mention it applies not only to raising a child.
On the anniversary of the village I come from, announcing an offering on how to build one.
Today is my parents’ 55th anniversary, the matriarch and patriarch of my OG tribe. And it is a tribe alright. From my parents onwards we are 59 humans, and number 60 is just about to join us earth side. While size clearly does matter, two guiding principles define our tribe:
Zero drama. It is said that for a successful double-date to occur, 4 relationships need to work. For 59 humans to coexist in harmony, 1,711 relationships (59 x 58 / 2) need to go drama-free. And they do, and we do, as I live and breathe. 1,711 relationships, no drama, only love. That is no accident but conscious steering alright.
Service. From our teenage years throughout our adult lives, each and every single one of us has impact/ service meaningfully woven into our lives. At 72 my mom still regularly volunteers in the local hospital. No longer able to participate physically, my father monetarily does his part.
Growing up in what feels like a tribe, and one that is grounded in all of the above, is a privilege that is hard to come by. More often than not, we ought to tumble through life with just our avatar, find our rotating cast of an entourage as we go, and only if we’re lucky, we get to find our village or build around us one.
It costs a village not to have one
Loneliness is now regarded as a global epidemic whose devastating health effects are as bad as or worse than smoking, obesity or pollution. Gallup estimates a quarter of the world feels very lonely or fairly lonely. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of stroke, heart disease, diabetes, cognitive decline, and premature death.
The roots of the loneliness epidemic can be traced to the Industrial Revolution, moving out of tightly knit rural communities and into anonymous cities, virtually unraveling one’s social fabric without giving rise to an alternative one.
Fast forward to the age social networks which promised to connect us to one another and left us doom scrolling, isolated and forever on a comparison rat race which cannot be won.
And then there was Covid. Loneliness and social isolation were a problem well BC (Before Covid). And then 2020 came around. If the loosely-run social experiment called Covid taught us anything, is that a lonely human is a sickly one. No amount of sourdough baking can make up for the absence of others in our lives. Years later, while all surviving lungs have largely recovered from this hyped up flu, the same can NOT be said about the effect of that solitude on humans’ brains and hearts.
The answer? Social connection.
Well beyond mental health, social connection can protect health across the lifespan. It can reduce inflammation, lower the risk of serious health problems and prevent early death. Humans are a social creature, and as such, we need a tribe.
Community vs Friends
Many can say that while they don’t have community, they have siloed friendships. While the two can and do go hand in hand, here are some ways why I believe having community is greater than siloed friendships.
In crisis: Those most in need of friendship are those least likely to be able to maintain it. At a time one needs to be supported, they make a terrible friend. When tending to an ill family member, nursing a depression or living with chronic pain, one has little, if anything, to give. They feel unable to meet the reciprocity expected of friends. The shame and weight of one’s burdens may drive them to think: “Let me not bum my friends out and instead just hide away..” Such person doesn’t show up at their friend’s a birthday party with their dancing shoes on and a gift, they don't call to ask how was that trip. At such a time, one needs to be checked up on, tended to, and visited with. Their friends, who have their own lives, may not be able to carry all that. A crisis is therefore a strain that many individual friendships find challenging, if not impossible, to sustain. That is where community comes in. The distribution of weight among the fabric of community allows greater weight to be held while not one person has to do all that.
A temporary withdrawal may make a relationship irrecoverably fizzle away. (‘I missed their wedding, I cannot now call to say happy birthday.’) whereas the calendar of community events offers an easy way to jump back into the rhythm of things.
Lastly: Our friends tend to be like us. Community can offer a greater diversity across ethnicity, income, background, or age. That diversity can be a well not only of receiving but of giving, and therefore meaning. People at different age groups almost always have something to offer one another. Your gpt skills may not be much among your peers, but for an elder in your community, you can be a godsend. Your background practicing law for decades may not make you the life of the party, but for someone buying their first property, it will all that.
That’s just 3 ways Community > Friends, and I’ll leave it at that.
The Warp and Weft of Community Weaving
Different woven fabrics may look, feel and act differently, but all woven fabrics, by definition, have strands going horizontally and vertically, warp and weft.
Similarly- though successful communities may be different and even oppositional to one another in every other way, all of them share foundational similarities in what gives structure to their DNA. This is true to every successful community I partook and partake in- from my family, through my burning man community, to the House of 42, and the very many more I study and observe. Little did I know, my experience weaving community is of interest to many more.
An offering
About a week ago I posted a survey in the House of 42 community chat, asking who might be interested in a Community Ushering course (or as one jokingly suggested, Oshering). The response was surprising. For what I thought may be a niche lil offering within our community chat, a few dozen humans enthusiastically raised their hands.
and so, on the anniversary of my OG community, I am delighted to share that in Spring 2026 a Community Weaving course is coming your way.
Weaving community to me is about cultivating the feeling that makes a group of individuals- event attendants / employees / neighbors / clients / congregants or members of school / club / town / organization feel in communion with one another.
It is a feeling even those who have not experienced 42 get a taste of in our community chat. We will cover the principles of community, get practical about fostering yours and offer framework for addressing issues which may arise. Perhaps- over time- if we are lucky- we may bring together a community of community weavers. How META si that.
What it is not:
Not a leadership course. The people who usher a community need not be the ones leading it, though there is and should be much common ground to this Ven diagram. In the same way Earth is referred to as a feminine force across all cultures under the sun, I think of the principles guiding this course as leaning in the same direction the earth does.
Not a marketing course. So often the word Community is commoditized so let’s get clear on that: This is NOT a course in marketing. This is about weaving community out of existing strands, not about attracting your first few dozens or next few hundreds ones. Community done right will organically attract others, but growth is NOT what this course is about.
Who is it for: Individuals who are a part of a larger group of humans (recurring event attendants / employees / neighbors / clients / congregants / peers or members of school / club / town / organization) who are interested in and are in a position to cultivate community among them.
Who is it NOT for: If you are wondering where to find community or who your humans might be, we hear you. This course is not “Where to find my people” and is therefore is not for you. On the flip side: You are welcome to join one of our events and maybe find a community with us. Our New Year retreat is coming up :)
If this course is of interest, holler at your girl. We will roll more information soon to those who’ve raised their hands in our group and here on the stack. All contributions towards the course are tax deductible.
With love to all those working to build, maintain, and make villages thrive.