A psychedelic poem

An avatar rhyming about her ceremony.

On the morning of serving Eve, my favorite red-head, 1:1 for the second time, sharing a poem she wrote following her first 1:1 ceremony with 42 and with me.

Eve came to her first ceremony certain her best days were behind her. Her energy was heavy and she felt ungrounded emotionally, professionally, geographically and financially. Read below her poem, an epilogue of how is she doing 2 years after and what brings her to her second ceremony.

An Ode to 42

Many a boring story begins with
“Let me tell you about this time I got high”
But while I have your attention
Under this beautiful starry sky
I’ll mention that last year I found myself
Feeling the lowest I’d ever felt
Wondering why I was sitting yet again
with the heavy card I was dealt

Some days I couldn’t feel anything at all
It was a mean place, inside my head
And at the doorstep of turning 40
I felt mostly dread

Feeling shame that I had tried everything
And I couldn’t break through my own dark
I thought the pandemic was over
But that black dog’s bite left a mark

I came across a keeper of medicine
Who was said to work with fire
And a technology passed down through her lineage
That great ancestral wire

And I’m sure many of you can appreciate
My sensible trepidation
Sitting down to ceremony is
Not at all a vacation

I wasn’t sure who I’d be
After my brain cells were rearranged
As I crawled to the gates of her temple
My fear was great, but so was my pain

And first it started a little slow
A pleasant hallucinogenic spree
Music sounded a little better
Some nice colors, floating free

So I asked myself that age old question
“Am I sure I took enough?”
Because after having psilocybin for breakfast
I had consumed a fungi-based lunch

And just when I thought this journey
was your average mushroom trip
The universe she pulled out the rug
And mama let it RIP

Flying through a kaleidoscope
of hieroglyphics, pictures, and sounds
Colorful shapes and creatures
All spinning in the round

On a fluorescent rocket ship
Soaring through sacred geometry
Through the emptiness of lord Shiva
The dance of mama Shakti

And when the lotus peels open
Every petal you can inspect
This is the place the ancients speak of
where Quantum physics
and prayer intersect

But now I’m getting VERY uncomfortable
I’m sweating, i’m starting to fidget
I called out “how many grams did I eat?”
She said “You’re still in the single digits!”

Oh god please let it be over-
I’m teetering on the brink
This is like when I thought I’d be good at burning man
Because I went to PYNK

I need a sip of water
If I could just get off the floor
And if I still had any legs attached
I’d be sprinting for that door

I said I wanted to do some healing
But this is SO not fun
This cleanup is feeling very big
She said “Darling I don’t do small ones”

Because what you turn away from
The mother will insist
That you sit with it for 9 hours
Until you get the gist

and everything I was avoiding
Drinking, smoking or fucking to numb
I just had to sit with it
There was nowhere to run

The role I played in my own suffering
The times I gave my power away
Now I was faced with all of it
As I packed eternity into one day

I had entered a labor portal
I bore down and held my knees
And I know this will sound insane
But I was giving birth - to me

I had to forgive all the women I’d been before
And hold that little girl
because the women I have yet to become
Deserve only good in this world

I have peered into the magic
The perfect design of my life
I am held by my good and well ancestors
Especially through the strife

My challenges were by design-
I am not a victim
My lessons are my karma
And I really know to pick ‘em

I am fucking effervescent
I am a sovereign being
I am one thousand years old…
And I REALLY have to pee

Then got a little curious
I wanted to see how space travel would be
So then I spent 7 minutes or 2,000 years
With a hit of fire DMT

And I saw the place that we came from
Where we all are headed to
I think I’ve met you there before
And you
And you
And you

We are part of something greater
A message in the entropy
We are safe
We are loved
We are home
And we are FREE.

And as the sun dipped below the horizon
I came back into my body
And for the very first time it felt like
a really great place to be.

And as much as being high is great
I’m chasing the ultimate win
Ladies and gentlemen the true measure of success
is a regulated nervous system!

And it turns out that sitting with hardship
Has only expanded my capacity for joy
And I’m building a new set of tools
That I can now deploy

A fungi healed me-
I take that back! I’m healing myself
but psychedelics gave me a chance
To peek behind the curtain
To get back in the dance

So that thing you came to earth to do?
The intelligence WANTS us to co-create.
My dear friends

You are not too old
and it is never ever too late

We are part of a mycelium
That interconnects us all from above
When everything else falls away
All that remains is love

And as long as I move towards my life
the path will appear under my feet
I am now absolutely certain
My best days are ahead of me.

********

Two years later / An Epilogue

2 years ago I arrived at Osher’s door for a 1:1 feeling broken, nervous, and convinced my best days were behind me. I couldn’t break free of a dark cloud feeling unmoored and alone after uprooting my whole life without a destination.

Osher and 42 helped me get my life back that day. I’m able to feel my feelings, roll with them, and am confident not only of my belonging in this world but that my best days are ahead of me. I cleared myself of the bad data that wasn’t serving me and wasn’t mine to carry. Having had that glimpse into the kaleidoscopic design of my life changed everything.

Within three months I doubled my income, got my house and bought my dream car. I’m grounded emotionally, financially, geographically, and professionally.

Two years later I am still integrating, applying and reflecting on that day - the first day I saw myself clearly, as others see me, and as I truly am, always with the support of the 42 community.

I am still a human and as such I am humaning. I am now back to work on a much deeper layer, my innermost wound. This is not a layer I could have touched upon 2 years ago. I am ready for it now. Wish me softness. Wish me completion.